How To Be A Real Elite Programmer And Make Sure Everybody Knows It
A classic post from Alan Skorkin. Reminds me of some of the points brought up by in the 501 Developer Manifesto. --Curator's note
Real elite programmers can't have distractions like kids and spouses in their life. Cut your family out of your life to maximize coding time. While you're there cut your friends out as well to maximize coding time even more.
- Real elite programmers don't have hobbies that aren't
coding. If you still engage in activities that don't involve a
computer, this will have to change. If you find yourself burning out,
just man-up and push through it.
- Real elite programmers do their best work at night. Sleep is for wussies.
- Real elite programmers hate their day job. Otherwise they would have nothing to complain about to other real elite programmers.
elite programmers eat pizza and drink Dr. Pepper. No other food is
allowed, if you have fruit and vegetables in the house, they will have
to go – stick to the diet of champions.
- Real elite programmers
don't read about programming, they DO the programming. Don't bother with
books, just keep programming. Remember, you know best, those
book-writing wimps are just a bunch of noobs, they should have been
coding instead of writing, you're way better than that.
- Real elite programmers are always right. This makes sense since everyone else is just a stupid noob.
elite programmers already know everything that is worth knowing. All
the other knowledge is useless and only noobs would be interested in it.
- Real elite programmers do not acknowledge anyone who is not a real elite programmer.
elite programmers know when to say "RTFM" in response to a question.
This is a good answer to any question – noobs should know better than to
ask stupid questions in the first place.
- Real elite programmers
are on social media. This is allowed, since it involves a computer. It
is infact their duty since there are so many people on social media who
need to be corrected about all things programming.
- Real elite
programmers complain loudly about the lack of in-depth programming
content on social media. They are however too elite to provide this
- Real elite programmers know when to say "TL;DR" in response to any in-depth programming content on social media.
elite programmers are particularly offended by minor inconsistencies in
grammar, punctuation, colour schemes as well as any other subjective
- Real elite programmers never create any code
for others to use. They have already told everyone they are awesome;
there is no need to prove it.
- Real elite programmers know how to
put argumentative noobs in their place. Stupid noobs must be told they
are stupid and ugly if they have the audacity to question elite wisdom.
elite programmers condescend to anyone who is not interested in
whatever the real elite programmer is currently interested in.
- Real elite programmers particularly despise non-programmers, they are worse than stupid noobs.
elite programmers use the most complicated and roundabout techniques to
explain simple concepts. All must know how smart the real elite
I do hope you realise I am being facetious here. However, there is a grain of truth in every joke. I have seen instances of this type of behaviour and have been guilty of engaging in some of it myself from time to time – you probably have as well. Just something to watch out for.
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